Bollywood Baatein

Picking a name for a child is a big responsibility. Not only are you giving it a sense of identity, but you’re also trying to find a name that will lend itself the least to unflattering nicknames and lifelong ridicule (Note to new parents: Avoid names like Hardik, Anal and Dikshita if you have dreams of sending your kid to a foreign country to study some day). But if you think naming a child is difficult, you have never tried naming a film.

There is an old Hollywood adage, “Nobody knows anything”. This profound line was said by the legendary screenwriter William Goldman. It refers not to the inefficiency of film folk (though by watching most Hindi films you may be tempted to believe so), but instead to the fact that regardless of what anyone says, no one can predict the outcome of a film once it releases.

A few weeks ago I stood on the fence of a major decision. On one side were my strongly held beliefs of not supporting crappy Hindi cinema no matter what the pressures to do so. On the other, stood an angry girlfriend. So as the man with the baritone voice squeezed the representative tar out of the representative lung in the No Smoking PSA, I consoled myself with the logic that it wouldn’t count as really supporting the movie since we had got the tickets for free.


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